Blown Away...

Good Morning, Folks....

Its such a peaceful Saturday morning here in the Met. I think that we are going to the zoo today, so I got up early to clean and do some laundry. But I hate that part of my life, so I take frequent breaks while I'm doing it. And I thought that maybe this would be a good time for my weekly blog entry.

There's a movie called "Life as House" about a man named George who has cancer and all sorts of other problems, who simply decides to build a house before he dies. He's divorced and has a teenage son with his ex-wife. The son is a drug addict who can't stand him and steals his Percocets to get high with his equally strung out girlfriend. So yaddah-yaddah-yaddah and blah-blah-blah, by the end of the movie, this huge dysfunctional group becomes a distorted picture of happiness and they all become a part of the construction of the house. The man dies, but his ex-wife and his son, in the traditional movie cliche', find the strength to move on and decide to finish the house for him.

Ok. So what's the point of all that you ask?

Well, there is a line at the end of the movie where George, the main character talks about change:

"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me."

I think that I am going to have new business cards and t-shirts made up for our clinic with this as our mantra. The clinic staff and I started this journey back on April 11th of this year. I remember that first day, it was just me and KB, in one cramped room with no admin staff at all. We saw 17 patients that day. All of them new patients. I know that won't mean a lot to many of you reading this, but those of you who do know, will appreciate what kind of feat it really is to have see 17 brand new patients, using one exam room and no admin staff. We worked from 8 that morning until 8 that evening. And that went on for quite sometime before a new shelter director came in and offered us a larger space to work from.

I was under so much stress at that time, that I actually ended up with a flare of my TMJ, which I had not had a problem with since undergrad nursing school at MUSC.

We have to also remember that I had only been a nurse practitioner for  5 months when this all started. I was terrified enough at the thought of independently taking care of patients on my own, but at least in the regular office, I had several other providers at my immediate disposal should I need help. Out here at the clinic, it was just me. And if I had a concern about the care of a patient, a phone call was my only lifeline to the outside.

But looking back on it, as hard as getting those clinics up and running seemed to be at the time, I never flinched, never second-guessed what I was doing. Mainly because I knew in my heart, I had not chosen to be there. But I had been chosen to be there. On top of that, I knew that in the form of KB, God had sent me something that I had never had: a completely like-minded spirit with the same motivations, desires, and  ego-absent work ethic that you need to endure what we were tasked to do.

Now, almost exactly 5 months to the day that we opened those clinic doors, I can tell you that I completely understand what George must of felt like as he noticed the transformation that his life had taken. Because we were so busy all the time, not only did I not notice the awesome evolution of the clinic while it was happening, but when I finally did take notice just a few days ago, I was completely blown away what it had become and even more flabbergasted by some of the changes I noticed in myself.

When I was going through NP school at Duke, one of my last rotations was with. Dr. S., an OB/GYN in Conway and an absolutely brilliant lady with high expectations for the people whom work with her. And sometimes, in my experience with her, that combination could translate into a milder form of tyranny. I went into that office with her everyday, always worried about getting my hand slapped. There were not many days that I didn't get my hand slapped and in my mind, that mean that I had an uphill battle getting to where I needed to be as far as she was concerned. But on the last day of my rotation, after seeing the last patient, Dr. S. gave me a great big hug....and offered me a job. 

I did not realize it then, but her constant correction of me was her way of showing me that she knew my potential and she fully expected me to work to fulfill it. I always keep that experience with her in the back of my mind, because when I worked as a floor nurse at the hospital, I had some really nasty experiences with some of the doctors. The running joke amongst the nurses was to ask the question, "Are you a doctor because you're nasty? Or are you nasty because you're a doctor?"

I know now that its neither. At some point as a medical provider, you began to totally grasp what it means to work in a profession where there is little room for error. When you are in charge of the direction of ALL the work that goes into a patient's care, you tend to forget your manners and other people's feelings. Its always business. Never personal (although there is still a line of respect to be drawn). So as much as I used to get upset at those rude doctors who acted like I was bothering them when I called them about their patient, I never in a million years would ever think I'd understand where they were coming from.  But I do.

Talk about blown away.

This all makes me think about a post from my cousin, JJ's, Facebook page a while back. (BTW, he has an awesome blog on WordPress. If you need an uplifting (or even just a laugh) you should check it out at http://throwingsalt.wordpress.com/). It said:

God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

Going into this, I was not well-equipped. At all. But I pressed forward, knowing that my Dude's will can never take me where His grace can not protect me.

GLORY!! I can't sit still....

If you need to reach me, call my cell.

Cuz I am about to walk outside in this parking lot so I have enough room to shout and give testimony!!!!!!!!

Towanna